wrigley field is MILF paradise
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
