and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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