Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize