But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
