Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
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why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize