please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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