Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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