I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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