You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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