u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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