tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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