Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
