I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
