I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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