the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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