my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
