Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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