You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
