the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
