ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
