What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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