This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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