Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
