he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
