There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
