I am puke
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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