There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
