I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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