And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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