What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
