What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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