My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
