What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
