His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We are two peas in an std pod
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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