brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
third nipple confirmed
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
