Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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