I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
