You kept calling me your small dog last night.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
