It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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