whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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