better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
