She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
