the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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