my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
