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is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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