I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
