He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
