OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
