FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Quick, to the slutcave!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
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