so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
