i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
