id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
