So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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