Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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