I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Randomize
