hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
