I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
