Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
