i already hear my dad disowning me
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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