PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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