I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
