So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So many bounce houses so little time
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
