You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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