Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
