Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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