you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
