well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
