I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
