Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
