forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
