she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
