So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Bring me that man meat
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
