There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
