i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
