well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
