Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
