Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
