"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
