he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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