i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
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Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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