yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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