You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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