If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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