So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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