did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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