Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
